This is the 2nd in a series of articles on changing our relationship with money.

Transforming our relationship with money sounds like a wonderful thing. But is simply suggesting it enough to bring it about in your life? Do you even have a clue what to do?

Perhaps it might help if we work through this together so you can at least get a feel for the process.

We are in relationship to all things, money included, though most of the time we're oblivious to the nature of those relationships. The most important of those relationships are the ones we have with the beliefs and other attributes we carry inside.

Consider me, for instance.

You will note from my writing here and elsewhere that I see things a little differently than others. That's because I tend to shift perspectives rather easily, allowing me to consider the value of various sides of a situation.

One area where I have not enjoyed such flexibility of perspective is in dealing with money. For whatever reason, those beliefs are so entrenched that I often find it hard to see things another way.

Take the activity of making money.

My Story
For so much of my life I have held a belief that I provided value and received money in return. That value was usually in the form of a service.

The area of my service was in the practice of law, for which an hourly rate is used as a primary method of determining fees. This hourly rate isn't based upon the value that I perceived was given, nor upon that which was perceived by my client as received.

Rather, it was a number based upon a complex mix of factors to cover overhead and provide a reasonable profit based upon estimated available billable hours.

Why so? A large portion of most lawyers' time goes to non-income-producing activity like office administration, marketing, and services that are either donated to those who can't afford it or charged at a significantly reduced rate.

As a result, the hourly rate can be quite high. Perhaps that's why so many people have this misconception that lawyers are rich, figuring that hourly rate is billed out for 40 or more hours work each week.

I hate to burst their bubble, but that's not true.

Sure, there are some who make large amounts of money, but those who do either put in large numbers of billable hours or practice in areas of the law where their income isn't tied to hourly fee.

Thankfully part of my practice was in such an area where I was paid based on what was recovered for my client. However, that field was by nature fraught with conflict trying to maneuver cases to completion. After all, it was a fight to move money from one side of the table to the other.

Unfortunately for cash flow purposes, since those contingency fee cased didn't always win or come in when needed, I was left to juggle my efforts between them and the hourly work that would better allow us to maintain the steady cash flow needed to run the office.

A Question of Conflict
In short, no matter which type of case I handled there was conflict involved. And at the core of most of those conflicts was money.

Conflict over whose work to do first, a decision that too often was influenced by what income their case might generate and when.

Conflict over whether to put in the time and effort I thought the case needed, or just enough to get by so the fee would stay low enough to be palatable for all. Conflict over whether and how much of those hours to bill.

Conflict over whether it was "worth it" to go through the risk and aggravation of running the business of a law firm, particularly when it meant dealing with a lot of people I didn't like who often wanted to do things in ways that I didn't find palatable, much less aligned with the way I wanted to conduct my life.

Most of all, there was the conflict I had within myself by engaging in a profession that was based upon conflict, when I didn't want to fight in the first place, much less in the arenas that society had constructed where the poor and powerless were fed to the lions.

Yet there I was, day in and day out waging war to serve my clients while generating the money needed to feed my family and keep the doors open.

In other words, there wasn't just a belief about providing value at work within me. There was even deeper a more insidious belief at work that I had to fight to make money, not only with the adversaries of my clients (and sometimes my clients as well) but also with the many forces that would have me sell my soul to get by.

The idea of making money was infused with conflict -- not only with others but within me as well as I was forced to choose between doing what I thought was right and jumping into the fray (which usually meant making more money, too).

My beliefs about providing value inadvertently locked me into a continual state of war, both within myself and with others.

Show Me the Money!
As you can imagine, I looked for ways to reduce that conflict. But the paths to peace usually didn't require the extensive work that conflict did, so it brought in less money.

And when I sat down to do my billing, inevitably it came with excruciating pain from trying to determine the value I had provided, and resolve the conflict between what I thought it was it worth and how my client might perceive it.

Hourly rates provided me an "objective' way to resolve that conflict, justifying the fee based on the work I put in. Relative value didn't have to enter into the equation.

Sure, the bar rules allow for such adjustments. Yet few clients would be willing to have an hourly fee adjusted upward for a good result. Therefore if there were such an adjustment I would be the only one who "compromised" by writing down the calculated charges.

In short, the issue of providing service for value raised a significant conflict that made peace impossible, and restricted the money that I could have otherwise earned.

In my inner belief system, money became infused with conflict. And since I didn't want to fight, I had to choose between money and conflict. For a long while I was able to reconcile that conflict and push it aside enough to get by.

Then I got to a point that I couldn't any more. My need for peace grew too strong, and I withdrew more and more from the battle until money from that source slowed to a trickle.

Applying the Lessons of Conflict
Even though I no longer practice in in the courtroom and much of my legal work is now of an advisory nature, conflict remains an ever-present factor in my life.

But now instead of fighting battles for people, I try to show them how they can move through their wars with greater ease and fight them in a way that's better aligned with who they are inside. And more importantly, how they might avoid some of those battles altogether.

Moreover, my work takes me into the world of human behavior where conflict is the norm and people resist releasing their beliefs, much less their need to engage in battle.

But that's okay, because it seems to be human nature to fight. And that's probably a good thing, because only through conflict can the hold of the status quo be loosened enough for change to set in. The question remains how we will engage in such conflict, and where we can go together when it's over.

This conflict I do not shy away from. Rather, I relish it, for I know it offers the opportunity to take our world in a new direction.

In the meantime, my task is to release the emotions associated with the belief that money comes from conflict. For in this instance conflict is a good thing. And money is a good thing.

Together they must be a good thing as well.

Is Any of This Going On In You?
It is this continual process of self-examination and self-transmutation that I recommend to help you begin to change your relationship with money.

As you'll note above, what I thought was a single belief working within me -- providing value -- was really a complex interplay of my relationships with myself, my clients, other lawyers, the courts, value, conflict, and especially money. It was sort of the glue that tied them together and put them in perspective.

Yet addressing one didn't work unless I was also cognizant of how it affected the others, and mostly how I saw myself and my affairs. Each bled over into the other, making it necessary to examine each in turn to see what was being triggered inside and why.

I don't pretend such a process will come easy. However, in the long run it is much easier to root out the causes than to stay locked on the merry-go-round with no end in sight.

So look at your life. What are you struggling with? Money? Conflict? Other people? What are the common themes that run through each? How are they impacting the other areas of your life?

However this struggle manifests, perhaps at some level it all boils down to your beliefs about money and its relationship to those areas of your life that are not working. This article focused on money, so that's where we'll stay for now. And since you're still reading it, you probably have some problems there, too.

Odds are good there are conflicts going off in you right now between some of those beliefs that may be restricting your willingness to engage in income-generating activities as well as the ability to draw to you more and greater opportunities in times to come.

I do not profess these will be easy to see. Often we can't even see what's right in front of our faces, much less what's hidden inside.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

Please, though, don't get caught up in all the new age rhetoric. While valuable, those teachings won't help you in this.

You can raise your vibrations. You can do all the affirmations you want. You can meditate for years. But until you uncover and address your inner conflicts dealing with money, you may never have the relationship with it that you want and draw to you all that you deserve.

So look inside. And don't ever give up. For when you're ready to quit, it is just beyond that point that the answer you seek may be waiting to appear.

Enjoy the Whole Series
Read #1. Transforming the Nature of Money
Read #2. Making Money -- A Tale of Many Conflicts
Read #3. What Activity Do You Do to Get Money?
Read #4. What to Do When Activity Doesn't Bring the Money You Need
Read #5. Separating Money from Conflict
Read #6. Taking the Struggle Out of Money